Yesterday was an incredibly difficult day for me.
I had severe anxiety all day which lead to two full blown panic attacks, in which I thought I was having a heart attack and as a result all l wanted to do was take “something” to block out whatever was going on for me.
My mind started playing tricks on me, I was short of breath, my chest was tight & cramping, my body was restless, my hands were clammy & my thought process became totally irrational. I hadn’t felt anything remotely like this since I was last detoxing.
I was caught off guard & I was in trouble.
The reason I am sharing this with you is because this morning I have woken up, it’s a new day & thank God I am still clean & alive!
It’s a miracle I didn’t go out & use drugs yesterday. I say it is a miracle because that is exactly what it is.
Being an addict in recovery doesn’t mean I’ve been “cured”, nor that I’m “safe” or have been given the “all clear” from my addiction. Recovery is a lifestyle “choice”. At times; like yesterday “recovery” is a very difficult & challenging choice. I do however understand & accept that relapses are a part of recovery, but I’m not sure I have the strength to pull myself out of another relapse alive.
I am so grateful that late last night I eventually put exhausted body to bed & laid my head on my pillow & fell asleep.
Here are 10 things I did to get through my rough day:
1. I saw my doctor & I reached out to 3 other strong people from my support network.
2. I meditated. Acknowledged my thoughts just as thoughts, allowing them to come & go from my head.
3. I prayed to my higher power for strength, courage & for a peaceful mind to get through one hour at a time until the day passed.
4. I kept myself safe & practised some self care acts like; taking a hot shower, biting some aromatherapy oils, hot water bottle, drank herbal tea, listened to calming music & ate a little chocolate 😉
5. I listened to an online N.A speaker share.
6. I spoke to another recovering addict.
7. I reached out to an addict in active addiction & offered them some encouragement (helping & supporting others always takes the focus off myself)
8. I worked on some content for the launch of Transform My Lifestyle’s website.
9. I wrote a list of 5 things I’m grateful for in recovery that I wouldn’t have in active addiction.
10. I cried ~ a lot!!
The above may not seem like rocket science. But these 10 things I did yesterday not only prevented me from using, but potentially saved my life.
It’s OK to not feel or be ok.
The key is to not isolate & shut yourself off when a crappy day presents itself & persists to linger.
Reach out, seek support & love!!
For anyone who may be struggling and feel like you have no one to chat to, please feel free to contact me any time. I’m always open & happy to listen & chat in private with anyone who follows my blog.
There is no perfect way to do life & no one has to do life alone.
Let’s continue to share our experiences, courage, hope & strength with each other.
Have a great day friends ✌🏽️✨